


To have and to have not

by resurrectionfromashes



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Affection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27233128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resurrectionfromashes/pseuds/resurrectionfromashes
Summary: Richard was worried, but Thomas was alright. Better than alright.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 1
Kudos: 58





	To have and to have not

  
Richard collapsed on top of Thomas, breathing hard, high on pleasure. He was certain he’d pay for it the next day, but for now the smile on his face was huge. He kissed Thomas’ sweaty neck. Tiredness and happiness fought to take over his functionality. Thomas was breathing hard beneath him, worry interlocking to his other feelings, confusing his brain. 

“Thomas?” Richard raised his head. “Ah Thomas…” he brushed the tears from his eyes. “How long has it been?”

Thomas opened his tightly closed eyes and gazed at him taking Richard’s breath away with the emotions clearly told by them. “Too long.”

Thomas thought about it.   
A stolen kiss in the dark, taken without having asked. Fear, loss, loneliness, terror.   
A couple of quick gratification behind pubs in dark alleys. 

Guilt. Always guilt. Shame, anxiety, humiliation.

Phillip. Asking for a nightly romp after burning his letters, after showing him exactly how he felt about Thomas.

As times passed, so had Thomas’ feelings about the Duke and his burning the letters. He can’t forgive him but has grown to understand him. What else could he do? It still harmed Thomas’ self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. Without Phillip’s treatment he’d never had made a move at Pamuk… and how differently would have that ended up? And not only for Thomas.

“Thomas?” Another kiss, on his forehead this time, on top of his nose, Richard clenching around him.

“Too long,” he repeated. “And never like this.”

“Never like what?” Richard’s voice was quiet, gentle, different than usual, cajoling him, treating him like a glass easily broken. 

Thomas hated it.

Crystal. Treated with care and affection because it was expensive and irreplaceable. 

He also loved it. 

Richard’s breath mixing with his own. One breath, two bodies connected like one, in a loving manner. Unselfishness. Giving and taking in equality.

“Never without shame.” 

The feeling that left him hallow with a void inside him. Never a sharing, always selfish in its essence, rarely fulfilling. 

“Yes?” 

And Thomas smiled. No sadness. He didn’t want to be left alone, he wasn’t annoyed or fidgety. He wrapped his arms around Richard’s torso and switched their position ending up on top. He framed Richard’s head with his hands. 

Satisfaction, contentment.  
Closeness, physical and emotional. 

He kissed Richard’s lips, moving slowly inside him, even as he felt long legs wrapping around his hips. 

Loved.


End file.
